What are the signs you may be settling for less in a relationship? Do you know the difference between settling for less and accepting God’s will in a relationship? Do you ever wonder if you may be settling for less in love?
The world has a way of defining what it means to settle but as lovers of God, we need to understand things from God’s perspective so we don’t miss out on his will from our lives.
So how can you tell if you’re settling in a relationship? How do you know if you’re settling for less than God’s will for your life?
The relationship serves as an escape route
One of the signs you may be settling for less in a relationship is when you find yourself looking for someone to save you from your present life.
If this is the reason why you’re longing for a relationship, then you’ll definitely settle for less in a relationship, and less than God’s will for you.
There was a time in my life I held back against doing some things because I felt I may miss out on God’s will for me. But I had a mind shift after learning my father is a good father. He won’t deprive me of something good, even if I make mistakes. He’s ever ready to help me and position me as long as I’m eager to repent and obey Him.
So travel if you need to.
Start that project or business if you’ve gotten God’s leading to begin.
Don’t worry about not having a partner to help you out. God will make a way for you. Let God be your go-to guy.
Rent that apartment if you have to.
Fix your wardrobe and try different colours that flatter you as a person. Do it for God and for you.
Learn to stay happy for yourself. Because you need to be present. God needs you to be present and joyful, with or without a spouse.
As a single guy or lady, you must learn to love your life and enjoy living for God’s glory.
Learn to be comfortable in your skin and learn about yourself as a person.
Don’t live life waiting for someone to save you.
Live like a guy or girl on a mission. To please God every day.
Your future spouse will thank you for it.
Don’t forget whoever your future spouse is also has his own life and his needs and marriage is a sacred call to put others above ourselves.
So we must first learn to live our lives to find completion in Christ and fulfill our destiny. And at the right time, God’s will for us will show up.
Your biological clock is ticking
One of the worst reasons to enter a relationship is because you’re getting older. As Christians, we aren’t meant to be driven by our emotions or opportunities around us.
We are driven by the voice of the HolySpirit within us.
Regardless of your age or everything happening around you, don’t allow yourself to be pressured by media or any other person that doesn’t understand God’s will for your life.
God makes everything beautiful in His time. Your hormones may speak contrary, society may even look down on you or despise you but you are the one that’s going to live in the marriage, not them.
Sarah’s womb was dead, but that didn’t stop God from making her life beautiful in His time. Not only did he give her a Son, he made her a Mother of Faith and she will be remembered in God’s kingdom forever. Talk about the perks of following Jesus huh?
Elizabeth and Zechariah were so old they’d forgotten about birthing kids. Even when Angel Gabriel came bearing news, Zechariah laughed at the ‘sound’ of it. But to God it was the perfect timing to birth the forerunner of Jesus. What a wonderful purpose.
Same with Hannah, Ruth and many other men and women of faith that kept seeking God above all else.
There was a time I lived in the fear of not getting married before 30. I loved God and was learning to seek Him, but I just wanted him to work that area out without me waiting.
But guess what, Abba conquered my fear and now I live in freedom of His will for my life. I may not be a 100% free from that fear, but I feel so much better about God’s plan for me. And I’m growing to prioritize God’s purpose for me above my emotions. God’s BEST will definitely find me.
Slowly compromising your standards
Compromising your godly standards is one of the signs you may be settling for less in a relationship.
As believers, dating an unbeliever should not even be on our list.
Even in the body of Christ there are believers that are living below God’s will for their lives. How much more those who refuse to accept Jesus or don’t care about the God you worship?
Why would you want to stay yoked with someone who is dead spiritually and doesn’t love your Father God who birthed you?
Perhaps you find yourself attracted to a guy because he’s cute and nice.
But girl, nice isn’t going to cut it when the storms come. Vice versa for the guys.
Being cute or ‘sexy’ won’t stand a chance against trials either.
I’ve heard stories of people settling because of their biological clock. But for me, my standards got raised.
Not only must he be a Christian, he must be actively obeying and following Jesus.
His goal must be the same as mine-Chasing God and pleasing Him inside out.
Because if you marry someone whose goal isn’t similar to yours, you’re going to have lots of problems, even as Christians.
Now before this is misunderstood, there are standards birthed from flesh and there are standards birthed from Spirit.
We need to discern the difference so we don’t miss out on God’s will for our lives.
For example, I had many carnal standards in my 20s because of the kinds of books I read and the movies I watched. I had a mental image of the kind of guy I wanted. But the older I grow, content is more important than packaging.
Packaging is good. It’s an external feature that can be fixed through God’s intervention. But the content/inner man will stand the test of time.
If God is giving his approval, then we must look beyond what we can see with our physical eyes and trust God that His will is perfect. Even if it doesn’t fit the package we’ve always envisioned.
You’re driven by ‘what-if’
One of the signs you may be settling for less in a relationship is the fear of missing out. Fear has driven many people into the wrong relationship. Perhaps you fear you might never marry if you let someone go.
But darling, just because a person is a Christian doesn’t mean He or She is God’s will for you. If you’re not 100% sure within your spirit that an individual is the one for you, then please feel free to let go.
Getting married is not the end of the world. God’s will for you will definitely stay and he won’t pressure you into marriage or doing anything that’s NOT pleasing to God.
Perhaps you’re courting a Christian that’s pressurizing you into kissing, smooching and touching when you’ve made up your mind not to. But you’re worried if you speak up, you’ll lose him or offend him.
Love DOES NOT rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth1Corinthians 13:6
I understand that people are at different stages of spiritual growth, but being able to honour each other and respect each other’s boundaries is important. This is because a marriage is a journey and there are some habits you need to build now.
A good marriage doesn’t happen by magic. It takes intention, selflessness, self control and other fruits of the spirit to last.
Also, you’ll be raising kids that need spiritually mature parents to guide them and cover them.
Anytime fear knocks on my door, I remind my heart to be still.
Because marriage is not the goal. God is the goal. And He alone can satisfy the deepest longing in my heart, not a man.
I really hope you strengthen your heart to do the same.
Bloom with Love. Xx!