Being a Christian doesn’t mean you won’t be attracted to the opposite sex, it just means you will be able to overcome them and channel that attraction energy into God’s word. In order to handle your attraction to the opposite sex, you must be willing to let go first.
I have had many crushes in my lifetime, some were really intense and I got over some really fast.
The good part of this story is where God didn’t make it happen.
And yes I was a child of God when all these crushes came ‘crashing’ over me.
But with the little knowledge of the word and lack of spiritual growth on my part, it was quite difficult to let go of my attraction to the opposite sex.
It didn’t help that I was bingeing Hollywood’s scripted romance and novels written from authors’ fantasies.
These things acted as a stronghold in my life and tried to justify my feelings.
For someone with an INFP personality, it wasn’t hard to even start daydreaming about this ‘crush’ which worsened the situation.
As Christians, we will have feelings and it can be frustrating when God isn’t saying anything. Don’t feel bad when you have feelings for the opposite sex.
It doesn’t mean you’re not saved, it just reveals how human you are and how you have blood running through your veins.
But how do you handle these feelings so they don’t ruin your life or dominate your thoughts?
How do you remind yourself to stick to God’s plan for your life especially when there’s no one else in sight and your hormones are fighting a battle your body can’t control?
Understand your feelings are just feelings
As growing Christians, we aren’t superheroes. But Jesus is our hero and we depend on Him for strength.
A crush is just a feeling of attraction that will dissipate with time if the right structures are put in place.
Many times these thoughts dominate our hearts because there’s no stronghold in us to resist the tactics of the flesh.
The name of the Lord is a strong tower, the righteous run into it and are safe.Proverbs 18:10
The moment we understand our feelings, it helps us put things in place.
Here are the following questions to ask yourself
- Why do I feel this way?
- Is this feeling rooted in the flesh or Spirit-driven?
- If they were less attractive and less influential, would I still have this crush on them?
- What is my attraction/crush based on?
- Why am I drawn towards this person?
- Is there a lust (worldly passions) in me that makes them likable?
- Do the reasons pertain to ephemeral things or christlike inspiration?
- Has God said anything?
If God hasn’t then this should nullify and invalidate the crush
A crush is an infatuation
The more I realize how ephemeral and ungodly having a crush was, my perception changed.
These labels sound harmless in the light of the world, but when scanned through the light of the word of God, it’s covetousness.
It’s infatuation and my lust speaking through my flesh. And it creates an atmosphere for sin in our hearts.
We begin to imagine a world with our crush, and if possible a family.
Soon, we start coveting someone God hasn’t destined for us and this person might end up marrying someone else.
Worse they could be in a relationship!
Now I’m not advocating we shouldn’t like or admire people. There are celebrities I’ve liked over time and enjoy watching because they are ‘eye candy’.
They look good on screen and perhaps have done things that warmed my heart. I also admire and love a few God-chasing men and women but I make sure it ends there.
We must do the same too. Besides, we don’t even know their real personality.
Our hearts aren’t incubators for lustful thoughts but are meant to be adorned with the word to become God’s garden.
Pour your passion into Spiritual Growth
Someone once said an idle mind is the devil’s workshop. I’ve found this to be true.
It’s easy to have crushes due to the vacancy in our hearts. But we need to remember that Spiritual growth will last, and the crush won’t.
The energy spent daydreaming or planning how to meet or date your crush can be spent on the word building yourself in the faith.
Are you having issues spending time with God? Build a routine, spend time with Godchasers, edify yourself with godly content and songs.
Pray about the feelings if it refuses to go. Lay it at the altar and keep tackling it until it dissipates.
Things like this have a ground in us when we aren’t feeding well on the word of God.
Do you remember that unclean spirit that was cast out of that man? He roamed around looking for a place and returned to the house to find it empty and clean.
Read Matthew 12:43-45 for clarity
Our soul is like a house. If we don’t keep it filled with God’s treasures, we will end up suffering more harm when ungodly thoughts are roaming free.
By wisdom a house is built and by understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are FILLED with every precious and beautiful treasure. A wise man is STRONG, and a man of knowledge enhances his strength.…Proverbs 24:3-5
Replace Netflix with the word. As understanding increases, unnecessary attraction to the opposite sex will subside as well.
Personally, I intentionally refused to subscribe to Netflix because movies used to be one of my weaknesses. So I occupy myself with the projects God has placed in my hands.
When you feel the attraction weighing strongly on your heart, it is the time to bombard your heart, soul and mind with everything godly and true.
It is time to start building a spiritual fortress that will save you now and in the days to come.
Don’t make a move if God isn’t asking you to
The moment you sense your attraction to the opposite sex, check with God first.
Anyone can make a move towards someone they like to see how things go, but as Christians, we don’t do things based on our emotions or how we feel, especially in situations where emotions will be involved and people may get hurt in the process.
If everyone was acting based on their emotions, this world will be in chaos.
We see glimpses of such chaos today when people damn the consequences and choose to be selfish about their needs.
But Love is not like that.
Love is patient and kind. It is not self seeking and isn’t in a hurry.
Love is more than our emotions. It is a decision to do the right thing, even when we don’t feel like it. But because God’s love compels us to be kind.
Maybe as baby Christians we took matters into our hands asking God to bless our desires regardless of his choice for us, but as we grow into Sonship, we must understand that,
As many as are led by the Spirit of God, THESE are the Sons of God.Romans 8:14
We are not to imitate Hollywood or take our cues from the world. We are a royal priesthood and a chosen generation. Our goal isn’t to just go on dates for the sake of. We are intentional people and seeking to please God is our goal.
When we understand this, it becomes easy to live a life free of entanglements and fit for the master’s use.
You can check out more about godly relationship posts below
- Reasons why you must not settle
- Does God tell us who to marry?
- How to maximize your single season
- Spiritual benefits of getting married later
- As A Christian, can I marry any Christian?
Bloom with Love. Xx!