Can girls and guys be just friends and stay friends?
Can girls and guys be just friends? Do you doubt the possibility? Due to the kind of world we currently live in where people tend to read more into things, it's easy to believe girls and guys cannot be friends without anything happening behind closed doors.
I grew up living with boys so I technically had more guy friends than girls at a point in my life. Because my brothers' friends hung around a lot in our house. I didn't think there was anything wrong with it.
Besides, I felt girls had too much drama in terms of friendships and it was just safer and better to hang out with guys and talk about nerdy stuff like movies, music and anything cool.
That aside, I want you to know it's possible to have a platonic relationship with guys. Girls and guys can be just friends and stay friends.
Not all guys are evil or looking for more. Some are really cool, friendly and helpful. But the following tips must be put in mind to avoid any series of unfortunate events.
How girls and guys can be just friends and maintain a healthy relationship are as follows:
Be led by the HolySpirit
We don't take our cues from the world but God. Hollywood is different from reality so we must allow God lead us wisely.
I've heard stories of a girl trusting a guy just to end up getting raped by such. It's sickening that there are monsters hiding behind human faces. So we must take caution.
This is why you must be led by the spirit of God when making friends.
Personally, I don't just make friends with random guys. Even if I like you, I'd give it time and check within my spirit. It's okay to wait before making any move. Let there be a connection backed up by the Holy-Spirit.
Also check your motives.
Ladies, are you befriending this person because you're attracted to them? Personally if I'm attracted to a guy and God isn't saying anything, I'd take that as a cue to run far to avoid future heartache. Also, to avoid conversations that border on the edges of romance when it isn't God's will.
Gone were the days I would give a guy my number after a little conversation just because we 'clicked' A few days after I'd regret it because I would be greeted by all kinds of nonsense on my timeline or be faced with conversations that are ungodly and suggestive.
As a child of God, I don't have time for that.
You don't have to befriend all the guys that come into your life and that's okay.
All you need are the people God places around you. Those that will nurture you and contribute to your spiritual and mental health.
Walk in wisdom toward your unbelieving friends
I understand that not all your friends will be believers and that's just life. Besides we are meant to reach others with the gospel.
But the way I play with my unbelieving guy friends is different from the way I chat with my godly brothers.
Let your unbelieving friends of the opposite sex understand that you have boundaries when they try to indulge you in their filthy conversation or lifestyle.
Don't throw caution to the wind by doing sleepovers and engaging in activities that aren't befitting for you as a Christian (even with godly brothers).
If your unbelieving friends tease you about being a christian, it's okay.
There's no shame in standing for Jesus. Wave your badge proudly!
I'd be worried if your friends don't understand your belief in Jesus and they are able to share crude jokes comfortably around you.
Many years ago, because I didn't know better, I acted foolishly and allowed some of my guy friends say all kinds of filthy conversations around me and to me.
But now I know better. Growing spiritually makes you see better and resist any temptation.
At a point in my life, I was afraid to return to twitter because I was often greeted by sexual content that were unedifying.
I've had to even unfollow some of my guy friends on social media because my timeline was looking trashy.
It's one thing to preach to a willing soul, but it's another thing to allow people wound your conscience due to the garbage they keep dumping on you.
Be wise to know the difference.
And of some have compassion, making a difference:
Establish boundaries
Friendship is a good thing but the need to establish boundaries in a girl and guy relationship is essential.
When there are no boundaries in a relationship, people are going to assume things. Also when a girl and guy hang out together a lot, there's a high probability someone can start catching feelings which further complicates things. I've been there before so I know how it feels.
Because the heart of man is funny, it's easy to develop feelings for someone you really like.
This might make you wonder if girls and guys can be just friends and remain so even after marriage.
So here's what to do:
Try to see this person through the eyes of Christ. As your brother/sister in Christ. This lessens the feelings of attraction that may build up in future
Do not read more into things. Take things for what they are. We tend to read more into things when we like someone. He/She may do something nice as a friend but due to our fleshly nature, we can project our lust unto them. But to the pure, ALL things are pure-Titus 1:15
Remind yourself that if God isn't saying anything, you're NOT going ahead of His voice.
NEVER assume a guy likes you until he spells it out fully. And vice versa. Tell your heart not to magnify simple acts of kindness or assume they want more from you or they seem to match your requirements for a spouse.
Be willing to take things slowly
Process is important in everything. Also being content in the friends God has provided around you is essential too.
Not all girls will have guy best friends and that's okay.
In the past, I was closer to guys because I felt they 'got me' somehow. Also, I wasn't too willing to open up to girls. But as I grew up spiritually, things changed. God provided godly women around me that have been like sisters to me.
Do keep in mind that maintaining friendship takes time and effort.
Be open to having friends that are guys. And vice versa.
Take each day as it comes.
Don't overanalyze things.
Respect each other, share clean jokes and be there for each other.
The guy friends I've built over time was because I put in effort and wanted it to work. Also because I enjoyed their company and it was healthy for me.
It's okay to walk away from unhealthy relationships. If the guy is disrespecting you or trying to dishonour you, then feel free to move on.
Also if you sense an attraction building, it's safe to pray about it and stay away until the attraction wanes off and focus on doing other things in your life.
And if the attraction was meant to be, if God is giving you a go ahead to make a move, rejoice in the God given miracle that your friend will one day become your spouse.
You can read more of my posts on friendships
4 ways to build and maintain healthy friendships
How to handle your attraction to the opposite sex
How to communicate effectively with others
5 things to know when making godly friends
Bloom with Love. Xx!