It’s okay to not be okay
I grew up with the understanding that I needed to have everything figured out, or act like I had everything figured out. And it’s interesting how we’ve allowed this to filter into our spiritual life and ultimately every other aspect of our lives. Vulnerability doesn’t come easy to anyone. Vulnerability demands that we take off our masks and reveal who we really are inside. And this scares us. Because this is where our uncertainties and insecurities are revealed. Amidst all the composure, image, and reputation we’ve spent years building, vulnerability reveals what we are after all.
Human.
And this makes us wonder, what good does being vulnerable bring us?
Why not be that supermom everyone looks up to? Why not be that friend that always seems to be there for everyone and always knows what to say, how to say it, and when to say it? Why not be the super couple everyone admires? Why not be that preacher who seems to have everything figured out?
In a world where vulnerability is easily frowned upon and unattractive, no one wants a lesser image of themselves. Everyone wants to be loved for who they are. So even if it’s a false image we project, we’d gladly project it anyway, because it’s safe and free of judgment. This is where the applause meets us. We wear our reputation like a garment and detest it when there’s any sort of stain on it.
It’s the reason why we feel guilt and shame when our flaws are exposed. It’s the reason why we crave acceptance and would do everything to fit in, even if it’s going against the gentle nudgings in our conscience.
The only way we can break free is when we no longer cower in fear of other people’s judgment. And even God’s judgment doesn’t condemn but purifies us. Like the caterpillar that blooms into a butterfly, it’s okay to realize that we are not okay and we are projects in process. It’s okay to realize that you still need a lot of work because who doesn’t?
How can Jesus help you anyway if you’re okay? The Pharisees didn’t need Jesus because they felt they were okay. So Jesus went to the ones who were vulnerable enough to declare they were not okay. And only then was Jesus able to save them and make them whole.
When Jesus heard it, He said to them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance.
Mark 2:17
God loves getting his hands dirty and is inviting us to get our hands dirty with him. It’s a call to lay bare before a Savior who lay bare on the cross for us. Jesus hung on a cross looking helpless and needy but that posture brought salvation into our world. When he could have pretended he had everything figured out on the cross, he cried out, ‘My Father, why have you forsaken me?’ When he could have acted like he was not affected by everything happening around him, he cried, he hungered, and he slept because he was tired.
So if Jesus could be so painfully honest and transparent, why do we feel we need to act like we’re okay when we’re not? Why do we need to ‘act’ more spiritual than Jesus? If Paul who wrote two-thirds of the epistles could boast about his infirmities, call himself a chief sinner, exclaim how wretched he was, and declare he was still figuring out some things, then why do we put ourselves on a false pedestal that God hasn’t called us to?
It’s the reason why God sent Jesus. It’s because we desperately need someone to connect with, who understands what it feels like to be human. Someone who could show us how real our pain is but how hope is much more real than any pain we may be feeling at the moment.
Have you observed that we tend to connect more with people who have gone through what we’re going through and are honest about the challenges they encountered in the process? Because they just ‘get’ it and they can provide the succor our soul needs.
This makes me eager to pour my heart out in prayer. Because I have a God who sees and knows me and who desires to help me. Because Jesus went through so much and he can show me how to stay sane amidst it all.
For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin.
Hebrews 4:15
There’s no doubt God is calling us to be like Christ, but before that, we must be careful we haven’t created a false exterior or placed ourselves in a position God hasn’t put us.
For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith.
Romans 12:3
This will enable us to be vulnerable with the right people; when we fall short, we can run into the arms of Jesus and find refuge there.
For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust.
Psalm 103:14
God knows what matters to us and cares about everything that matters to us. Even things that we think don’t matter to Him. I mean if our hair is numbered and God knows when a bird falls from the sky… if he could create even the tiniest animal and the playful nature in dogs, then how much more humans like us that will be heirs of salvation? He cares about your love life, your finances, and everything in between.
Abraham had been ‘walking’ with God and there was a point he was not ashamed to let God know how he felt about having a son. Yes, God was calling him higher and God wanted him to see there was more to having a child, but did you notice God didn’t scold him for desiring such?
Although Abraham got to a point in his life where God became his all and not even the son he’d desired all his life, God understood his heart then.
And God did not forget that desire. He just wanted him to see the bigger picture. This is why I love the bible. It’s so real. It doesn’t try to be perfect according to men’s standards. It doesn’t try to dot all the i’s and cross the t’s to fit into our mental definition of what’s right and wrong. In it, we can see men and women with like passions who were disqualified according to the world’s standards but useful in God’s hands.
If they can, then we can.
Now, this isn’t encouraging us to start fretting or give excuses for our flaws, but it’s a call to be honest with ourselves, follow God’s pace, and seek our transformation with eagerness. The more we accept where we are in our spiritual journey, we’ll be honest enough to take the next step in our growth.
Perhaps vulnerability doesn’t come easy to you. I learned how to be vulnerable by journaling my thoughts and I wrote a post about it here.
I hope you learn to cast your burdens on him, for he cares for you. And he desires your spiritual growth more than you ever could.