On being a Virgin: Legalism or Holiness?
I was brought up in a society where saving yourself for the right person was applauded and automatically meant you would end up with a good spouse deserving of you. This made people equate virginity with purity. So although I intended to keep myself for the right person, I still missed out on the real reason why this was important.
Fast forward to years later, I discovered that the tables have turned and the lines have been blurred. Right now, people are more ashamed to be identified as virgins and think it shameful to remain a virgin in our present-day society. Even when we talk about virginity, there’s a way it’s often dismissed in a hilarious fit of impossibility, especially in a sensually driven world.
This post is to provide a balance so we avoid being on the extreme sides of the spectrum
Virginity does NOT equate to purity
It’s so easy to believe virginity equates to purity, but if you’ve lived on this earth long enough, you’ll know it doesn’t. You could wear a purity ring, but it doesn’t mean anything because it’s just a ring that has no effect on the heart of the person wearing it.
Purity comes from the heart
Not what goes into the mouth defiles a man; but what comes out of the mouth, this defiles a man
Matthew 15:11
You could be a virgin but your words and your thoughts defile you, and if we’re not careful, we’ll keep exalting the badge of our virginity because we feel we’re doing something great when we’re just as filthy and defiled as the next person who isn’t one which leads me to the next point
Being a Virgin doesn’t make anyone special
When virginity becomes legalistic, instead of being a fruit of holiness, it makes us believe God owes us a perfect spouse because we’ve kept our part of the bargain. It makes us believe we deserve a perfect life because we’ve done the bare minimum. So we grow frustrated and unhappy when someone else who doesn’t match our standards gets what we think we deserve. This then leads to envy, jealousy, bitterness, and anger.
We see a similar pattern in the lives of the Pharisees. They believed only the Jews deserved saving, and as the pioneers of salvation, they believed God had to seek their permission to send Jesus as he did. And so when Jesus decided to give his attention to the low lives (also known as the losers of their time), they felt envious, bitter, and offended.
This made them reject the kind of salvation Jesus brought because they believed they deserved better… according to their idol. A virgin who doesn’t understand the real reason for this could end up the same way. This could lead to a downward spiral, especially when our expectations are not met the way we thought they would.
If the foundations are destroyed, What can the righteous do?
Psalm 11:3
Purity is the goal NOT virginity
I grew up in a catholic home, so the virgin mary’s story is one that’s very dear to my heart because she was frequently lauded for her chastity and her position in the birth of Christ. In fact, I believe Mary’s virgin birth was believable because she was a virgin. Many people would have had a hard time believing the miraculous birth of Jesus if she wasn’t one. And this still boils down to playing our part as believers. Although being a virgin is not the goal, our staying pure within and without would definitely result in us presenting our bodies as a living sacrifice unto God, holy and acceptable.
This is where our choice to abstain from premarital sex should come in.
I’m not keeping myself because I want to be more spiritual, I’m keeping myself because it is a fruit of my belief in Jesus Christ. So I’m not doing anything special, I’m only doing what is expected of me as a believer by the power of the Holy Spirit inside me.
Why?
Nevertheless the solid foundation of God stands, having this seal: “The Lord knows those who are His,” and, “Let everyone who names the name of Christ depart from iniquity.”
2 Timothy 2:19
True Virginity is Obedience to God’s will
Virginity becomes legalistic when we pride ourselves in what we can and cannot do. But a man who is pure understands that BY GRACE through FAITH we’ve been saved. If you’re still a virgin unflinching and standing strong in the faith, all glory to God alone. We must press on to keep obeying God however he leads us. This is how we grow in faith and love.
This is how we become pure.
We may abstain from sex and be keeping our bodies pure for Jesus, but if we don’t bridle our tongues and capture our thoughts from straying, we are just virgins by mouth, not by action. We could as well be like those people in the world who believe in staying chaste until they meet the right person. This doesn’t mean they don’t engage in everything else that’s anti-godly, but they stay chaste because they believe this absolves them from every other duty and responsibility of a true follower of Jesus Christ.
But we are not like that. We aren’t just keeping ourselves for someone out there, we’re doing it first and foremost because it’s the fruit of following Jesus and learning at his feet.
God Loves you. Virgin or NOT
If you’ve read Beautiful Wings and Beautiful Surrender, you’ll see how I portrayed this truth in my stories. God loves you regardless of your past and present and he wants the best future for you. We all make mistakes, but this is why He died. To save you and me. To make you his eternal bride, spotless and holy, fit for Him. We were undeserving but he made us deserving. We were worthless but he made us worthy. A virgin without Christ still needs Jesus as much as a prostitute without him. It’s the reason why we see God using women like Rahab the prostitute, Tamar, Ruth the Moabitess, Bathsheba, and many other women society disdained and disqualified.
And how did they come into God’s plan for their lives?
Just by faith alone. Not what they did or didn’t do. But by faith.
Knowing this will help us grow in compassion for others and pray for those who don’t seem to understand God’s love for them.
Now Satan may already be whispering to you that it’s impossible to be a virgin and keep yourself pure in a sensually driven world like ours, but you’ll be shocked at the number of people keeping themselves pure in the faith.
Do you remember when Elijah felt he was the only one and God shocked him by telling him there were more people not bowing to Baal?
Read 1 Kings 19:18 for clarity.
You are NOT alone in your Purity Journey
Just in case you need some encouragement, I’m writing this post to encourage you and to let you know you’re NOT alone. As a virgin in my mid-30s, I have made up my mind and it is a personal decision based on my fellowship with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ that I will stay chaste until I meet the One God has destined for me.
Only within the boundaries of marriage will I engage in sex as it was designed by God. So help me God.
It’s not because someone told me not to, but because I’ve come to a place where I AM fully convinced it is the right thing to do and I only do it by God’s grace, not by my power or might.
I pray you’re bold enough to make such declarations too.
Some things feel daunting because you surround yourself with the wrong people. When you surround yourself with the right people, you’ll discover how possible many things are.
When God gives us instructions, it’s not to harm us but to keep us. Besides, you’d be surprised by how much heartache, diseases, unwanted pregnancies, soul ties, and many other things he saves us from just by giving us this instruction alone.
There’s just too much at stake to give your body to anyone outside God’s will and God’s plan.
You’re not stupid or archaic. You’re truly living the high life! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
I pray that you’ll find the strength to stay pure in this chaotic world. I pray that even when the waves of defilement rise from within and without, He that is living in us will arise and calm the storm. Amen